Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
