My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
