I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
