im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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