blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
