I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
