I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
