Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my phone needs a breathalizer
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
