I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
