sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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