My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
