The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
