Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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