Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
