kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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