...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize