I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
