How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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