we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize