Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she looked like the before picture.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize