She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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