she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
