I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
