my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
where does the pee come out of this thing
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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