Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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