You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drake has all the answers
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize