you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
