He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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