We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've blown a few things in my day
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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