Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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