There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
