I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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