i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
