ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
