I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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