Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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