Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
