It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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