ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
