Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Mom said you looked used
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
