you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
