Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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