You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
