im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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