i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
