just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
