I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize