Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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