I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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