"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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