Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
