So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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