Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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