Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
