uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ok first of all what the fuck
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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