We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
