I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
