Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
