yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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