her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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