ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
