i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
