I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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