If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
