I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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