Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
