i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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