I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize