she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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