I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
are you so shy because you have an std?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
