He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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