i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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