Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
