I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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