So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize