I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
