This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
as a side note pls kill me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize