oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
