apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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