im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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