Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
