i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize