remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
