every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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