he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
