This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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