I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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