You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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