thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
