about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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