Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
