I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
