You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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