our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
