It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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