if only i could text you this smell
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We had sex on a dog bed..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We're too hungover to prance.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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