i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize