if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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