who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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