I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
