Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
