Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
