Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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