We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
