can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
