i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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